Snack on my thoughts, please.

Friday, March 07, 2008

So, it has been awhile.

I've been really stressed out lately because of my recent decision to move to Chicago for graduate school in the fall.

I feel that, no matter what, I can't do enough every day to make sure that all of my bases are covered, to make sure that I do everything way, way in advance. What if I don't qualify for enough financial aid to swing this? It's SO expensive... and I'm going into a field where it doesn't matter where your degree is from. It just matters that you have one. Unless, of course, you want to continue studying afterwards. And I do.

I want to seriously make a damned difference. And I know that, if I play my cards right, study hard, work hard, and soak up everything that I can learn... I really will be able to make a difference.

I want to do research-- research that actually MATTERS. I want to change individual lives, but I also want to research and write policy that will have an impact on everyone. I want to be an advocate for people. All people.

Sure, that all sounds idealistic. But you know what? What if no one in the world were an idealist? Where would we be? I would hate to imagine where people would be without The Salvation Army, Battered Womens' Shelters, Public Defenders, The American Red Cross, Doctors Without Borders, the band U2 etc, etc, etc. (HAH! thought I might slip U2 past you. But seriously...).

Forgive me if I seem as though I've got my head on the clouds; on the contrary, I believe I've got a pretty solid and realistic eye on the world. I don't think that I can make all the pain go away. Of course not. I've been lucky enough to grow up with a good family. I've always had food to eat and clothes to wear. I have a brain that works (most of the time). I'm not petty and superficial. Maybe I can use these traits to do at least SOME good for SOMEONE. Right? Am I fucking crazy?

I also delight in the idea that I'll be at a school that has a reputation for attracting brilliant people. Maybe I can meet people in different disciplines. Learn something from them. You know?

I can't believe this is happening to me. I never thought that I would be planning my move to the University of Chicago. Never. Ever.

Well, now that they've given me the chance, I can't let them down, can I? I have a feeling that school is going to kick my ass pretty hard. And I can't wait.